Phone Commercial

I put this together during one of my "oh-my-gosh-I'm-dying-of-boredom" moments.

So don't expect another one of my Nice Jewish Girl Raps...(actually, because of its success, I'm thinking about writing another one)...

Sometimes Weekly Update 7

Enjoy the latest news broadcasted live from Margaret's desk.

And by live, I mean filmed entirely beforehand.

Chrismakwanzakuh: The Non-Existent Hybrid Holiday That Many Americans Think Is Culturally Significant But In Reality These People Are Living A Lie

(This is my first piece for my new segment - Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear: A Humor Column For a Fictitious Publication).

Christmas. 

The holiday that claims it begins December 25th but starts one day earlier in November every year.

Well, I'm not Christian, but I have to say, I love everything about Christmas. Except, of course, for Mariah Carey's interpretation of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" on 93.9, the station that plays continuous Christmas music starting the day after Thanksgiving. 

But you know, I could get used to the cocky R&B version of "Silent Night". If it wasn't a cocky R&B version of "Silent Night".

Don't be fooled by the lack of cheesy Chanukah tunes. They're out there. They're just hiding from the more assertive Christmas music. I mean, modern interpretations of classic carols have it easy. All musicians have to do is make every note into three different ones and let their voices get increasingly softer and more dramatic with every end of a phrase.

You hear this kind of "music" in every restaurant, bookstore, shop, Whole Foods...It would be so easy to slip in some subliminal messaging, it's not even funny. 

Just kidding. 

It's hilarious. I'm totally writing a letter to Sony Music.

So, have a very merry (Mariah) Christmas.

And if you're Jewish, have a lowly, insignificant Chanukah. Hannukah. Hanukkah. Oh, crap it, just have a good one.

P.S. If you ARE Jewish, please stay as far away as possible from Menorah flames. Last year I burnt my hair. I didn't EXACTLY mean to. Seriously though, it does not smell nice. If I were you, I'd ask Chanukah hairy for some hair-things. 

Sometimes Weekly Update 6

Here's my "Christmas Special", which is really not Holiday cheery or anything, but I had to call it that because all shows have a "Christmas Special". You know what, I'm going to go taboo on this and call it "Hannukah Special," which works even better because its my own religion.

Shmorg.